by Kylie Krackenbacken
Cooking relaxes me and I cook with love!
At a lunch I went to recently I discovered that this is the way to do the cooking properly because people can TASTE the love. I have a lot of time and love for these people because they probably have some left overs I can eat. Personally, I prefer to cook with resentment and add a dash of tear of frustration that I’m not using the time to do something, ANY OTHER BLOODY THING else.
Hello, my name is Kylie. In case you haven’t realised, I hate cooking. I’m your sarcastic friend on Facebook that answers your question of how do I make ice-cream with ‘get in car. Go to shop. Purchase ice cream. Bring it home. Enjoy!’ You know who you are divine friend, I enjoy your cooking immensely but will only ever give you store bought stuff.
I’m the person that accidentally set the oven on fire last time I baked a cake and literally managed to bake the cake into the tin. I chipped it out with a knife, it was actually quite nice and had lovely, crispy edges.
I was forced to do Home Economics in High School while the boys got to play sport, gotta get the patriarchy setting the boundaries early. We cooked from Cookery the Australian Way so that those hungry sport playing boys would have something to eat! Needless to say, for a budding feminist this chafed, so there may have been some extra protein for those hungry boys in mine, in the form of any dead bug I could find in the cooking room.
My beloved partner has come to appreciate that my cooking is pretty hit and miss and I can turn perfectly edible food into a bout of food poisoning or at least a night of chest gripping heartburn.
Anyway, so I went back to work recently and realised I hadn’t cooked for anyone but the one year old since I went back. I cook for the one year old because I know that pizza and the other delicious crap that his Dad and I eat once he goes to bed is bad for him.
Do I enjoy cooking for him? Does it make me feel warm in the cockles of my heart to know that he is enjoying a salt free, veggie laden home cooked meal? Yeah but nah. The kid’s healthy but most of it goes up his nose, in his hair and over the side, with the occasional soggy morsel offered up for sharing.
I even bought the baby cook books and magazines that tell you why cooking for your tiny human is important for their health and give you the tools to do your cooking with love and smug self righteousness. Did it help me cook with love for my beautiful family? Nuh.
I have to make some baby food admissions. Sometimes my kid eats lunch from a squeezy packet. There is only one that he really likes and he hates the rest of them. I don’t blame him actually, they taste like crap. Then again, so does my cooking.
The other day I gave him a crumpet that looked like it had a spot of mould on it, so I cut that bit off. That’s quality parenting right?
Sometimes if he is crawling around after one of the fifty thousand snacks or meals he now eats a day and I haven’t finished cleaning up, he circles back around and eats floor food. He also licks the floor and it hasn’t killed him yet, so I’ve given up stopping him. If he’s still eating floor food and licking the floor at 18, I’ll worry about it then.
On daycare days he might just have some toast and fruit for dinner because I know he gets fed all day long. On Fridays, my baby day, tiny boy human eats half of my cheesymite scroll which at first was cute but is now kind of annoying.
Sometimes I find every vegetable known to man, boil it, mash it and freeze that slop in a thousand little containers for his lunch. He eats that slop over and over. He seems to like it which is lucky as I have no culinary vision.
I know that the healthy eating is good for the tiny human and we give him lots of food that is good for him. I know it’s working because when he finished destroying his first birthday cake, he licked his hands and shuddered in disgust at the taste of cake. It was OK, I did the chore of eating the cake for him. The things we do for love!
I can see some of myself in him though. He swiped some Christmas gingerbread out of my mouth yesterday and crawled under the table because he knew we were in hot pursuit to get the biscuit off him. It was his first taste of biscuit and he probably thought it was the most delicious rusk in the Universe and he was not giving that biscuit up. EVER.
So what’s my crappy advice? Honestly, I don’t know. Try to earn some more money to get someone to do the cooking? Try to find the domestic Goddess within? Snort, no, that’s never going to happen for me! Maybe my advice is the same as what I try to convince myself of when I am being nice to myself. You’ve got lots on your plate (no pun intended) and the fact that you try and your kid seems healthy, happy and eats healthy stuff is good enough 🙂
What’s YOUR crappy advice on how to serve healthy food to your kids when you hate to cook?