Brought to you by Gaviscon
‘I’m so looking forward to being pregnant again. I loved being pregnant last time.’ I gushed to Mr D when we found out we were expecting Son #2.
‘Really?’ he asked warily. Though surprised, the sensible man didn’t argue with his happy, hormonal pregnant wife.
It’s amazing how hormones can block out previous traumatic experiences.
I hate being pregnant.
Before you get your judgey hat on, let me put this in perspective for you. This is a photo of me taken the day before Son #2 was born, weighing 9lb 12oz.
He was a lightweight compared to his older brother, who tipped the scales at 10lb 7oz.
Lately I’ve been getting super clucky. I put it down to finally getting a bit of sleep as Son #2 finally starts to get a grasp of the whole night / rest paradigm and spending far too much time around my gorgeous 5 month old niece.
I’m also surrounded by pregnant bellies at work and get a little nostalgic when I hear about babies hiccuping in utero and interrupting meetings with body shuddering kicks.
So I’m writing this post to remind myself how much I actually dislike being pregnant overall. If it weren’t for the whole gestation thing I might have 12 kids.
(No I wouldn’t.)
1. Vivid dreams
Remember those troll dolls on key rings? I had a dream that my baby looked exactly like a troll doll with fluorescent orange hair. He popped out of my belly button and looked at me expectantly. I sighed and told him it wasn’t time to come out yet and he should go back inside. He regarded me sadly for a moment before popping back through my belly button.
I won’t grace it with the term morning sickness. I had nausea in the morning, motion sickness, nausea if I didn’t eat enough, if I ate too much and if woke up at midnight. I even vomited on a peak hour train once. It was grand.
3. Swollen ankles
I wore expandable homipeds for the last three months of my first pregnancy. It was fine for a Perth summer, not so suitable for corporate attire.
4. Pregnancy heartburn
80% of pregnant women get heartburn. Something about muscles relaxing, baby squishing internal organs and stomach acid launching an escape attempt. All I know is I carried a bottle of Gaviscon Double Strength around with me for months for relief from heartburn.
5. Not being able to sleep on my stomach
I’m not actually a stomach sleeper. I’m a roller, a restless sleeper. You try rolling that stomach over at night. Not easy!
6. Inability to stand
39 weeks pregnant. Sitting on the couch. 2 year old makes a beeline for the hot stove yelling ‘I help! I help!’ I could not stand. All I could do was sit there and scream ‘Noooooooooooo!’ and burst into tears. Fortunately my Mum grabbed him in time.
7. Pelvic pain
‘You’ll be fine if you wear this pelvic girdle every day, don’t spread your legs and take very small steps,’ said the physiotherapist.
So basically pretend I’m a celibate geisha, yes?
8. Never having clothes that actually fit
My normal clothes became too small. Then the maternity clothes were too big. Then they fit briefly. Then they were too small. Then I gave up and walked around wrapped in a sheet.
(No I didn’t.)
9. No alcohol
I’m not a big drinker, really I’m not. But I do like an occasional glass of wine.
10. No soft serve ice cream or deli meats
Different people miss different things. I’ve never been that into soft cheese, but I used to be totally addicted to soft serve sundaes. And what are you supposed to put in a sandwich that doesn’t involve ham or salami? Clearly I would be a terrible vegetarian.
What about you?
Hit me with your most hated thing about pregnancy so you can put me off breeding for once and for all!
Linking with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.